When I heard Woody Allen’s statement regarding Weinstein it made me want to vomit. He just had to go there, to the grand extreme that he’s afraid men will be scared to be with women in their offices or in meetings for fear that they will need a lawyer present so that their behavior isn’t seen in a bad light. That argument makes about as much sense, as the preposterous notion put forth by certain morons, who try to suggest that by allowing same sex marriage and homosexuality to exist will lead to child abuse and bestiality! As for Woody, I’ll leave his creepiness aside for now, but wanted to address his general concerns for the male population.

As a woman who has been cornered in small rooms, groped, touched inappropriately, felt a man’s hard dick pressed up against me when I wasn’t seeking that, received vulgar “compliments” accompanied by facial expressions and/or crotch rubbing that left nothing to the imagination as to what he was thinking, and having men basically force themselves on me because “they just couldn’t help themselves.”  I feel quite qualified in providing assistance in this area. And FYI, “you can’t help yourself” is bullshit. Because as a woman who loves the male body and enjoys sex, I’ve managed to get through my life without ever, yes not even once, grabbing a man’s dick without being asked or made lewd and creepy comments or gestures at a really hot guy who happened to cross my path.

Now, let me help you guys by clearing up some things that might be confusing.  I know that situations with women can get tricky, try walking in our heels for a day! These pervy guys will always say “I never had non-consensual sex with anyone.” OK, Rule #1, if you have to convince someone to do something physical whether with you or by you, just know straight up that relenting to constant pressure does not equal consent or desire.  This is especially true if you have the means of egress blocked! That is fancy talk that means your big burly ass is blocking the exit to the room and she can’t make an escape.

Yes I know, the world gives you mixed messages by insinuating that women want to be pursued heavily and made to notice that you are the White Knight here to save their day. However, none of the RomComs I’ve watched ever showed a woman being won over by having some creepy guy rub his dick up against her or force her to watch him masturbate into a potted plant. Not really the romantic scenario most women have in their heads or why the flock to these romantic movies. I don’t even know what wine would pair with that shit!

If a woman wants you she’ll let you know. If she needs convincing to touch or kiss you then probably not. If you live in some religiously rigid part of the world, then you should probably NOT be anywhere near a woman and you will need to just leave her alone. I know convincing, coercing, constrained and consent all start with “C” but they are quite different. If you don’t know the meanings of these words, might I suggest you purchase a dictionary.  Anyway, if you find yourself in convincing mode, at this point you are acting more like a used car salesman and what you are attempting to “sell” is your cock and not a crap car. Neither of which, I might point out, anyone wants forced upon them. Wouldn’t you rather a women be enthusiastic about your offer? Wouldn’t you rather use your energy in a more positive direction than trying to convince or coerce someone to play with your ding-a-ling?

If you ask for sexual contact in a forceful manner and/or couple it with a threat that NOT playing along could hurt her career or damage her reputation or her ability to continue working or take care of her family then you are not gaining consent. Please read that statement again. Memorize it. Most women will just relent to get out of the situation. And we relent because it’s easier sometimes than trying to fight City Hall, but do not be confused, it makes a woman feel as forced as a regular run of the mill rapist who attacks you on the street.  This shit is a classic bully move. Try putting the shoe on the other foot (go ahead those heels will look amazing on you!) What if you had a female boss and she demanded that you “service” her if you wanted to keep earning money or you wanted that promotion? If that sounds OK to you, then imagine she is the female version of Harvey Weinstein, someone you couldn’t brag to your bar friends about fucking, a woman that looks like Mrs. Doubtfire for example. Sound good now?

Another example, if you are the only one masturbating and you weren’t asked to do so and you are NOT already involved in a romantic relationship with the person watching that isn’t consent! If you find yourself in this situation, as this point you might want to put your dick back in your pants, pull your pants up, sanitize and then apologize! In that order! And your apology need’t include any physical contact like a hug or a hand shake, just get the fuck out of the way and let her go. Oh and apologies only really count if the said behavior doesn’t happen again. EVER!

Now moving on to compliments: how to know if you are being creepy. Telling a woman she looks lovely today and her dress is a great color for her is perfectly acceptable. Telling a woman that her tits look amazing in said dress = creepy. Telling a woman that those slacks really show off the shape of her ass and makes you hungry. Gross and = creepy. Standing there eyeing her up and down while licking your lips and rubbing your crotch. NO. Down. Bad man! NO! This also = creepy!

Also, don’t corner women in pantries, conference rooms, offices, elevators, stairwells, or dark corners anywhere to give them a compliment while you loom over them. Now you just seem like a stalker! So if that wasn’t your intended goal just fucking stop. Hashtag all of the above = CREEPY! And you are now the Mayor of Creepytown.

If you are in a meeting alone with a female co-worker keep your hands to yourself and don’t say anything about her tits, her lips, or her hip region.  In fact, a suggestion I saw recently that I thought was really good is to imagine that the woman is Dwayne the Rock Johnson. If you wouldn’t offer a massage or ask him for one, then you probably shouldn’t do it to her. Would you tell the Rock that his ass looked great in those slacks? Would you try to grab his private parts? Didn’t think so, so don’t do it to a woman. Just because women are kinder or softer does not mean that you can do whatever you want to them. We are NOT your play things. We don’t exist just so you can have something warm, soft, and scented to ejaculate in to or on. #DON’T RUIN ANYMORE DRESSES! Please and thank you.

What can really help frame your interactions with women and ensure that what comes out of your face isn’t gross or creepy, is making sure you have good things about women in your head. Yes, if you fill your head with wonderful things like respect for women, viewing women as valuable, worthy, and equal you will stay away from creepy because you won’t have room for creepy.  Would you treat your daughter the way you treat other women? If so, you need therapy. If you answered no, then maybe you should be part of the solution and not the problem. Just because you don’t treat your females that way doesn’t mean that the world they live in is any safer. In order for that to happen you will have to speak up. Changing the world will require more from you than just not “acting up.” Because if you don’t speak up your male cohorts will think that their behavior is acceptable and you shouldn’t wait until a man is full on raping a woman before you do something about the attitudes and behaviors.

The evolved men out there need to stand up and say something. If you see other men being “creepy and gross” say so. If you see them harassing women or debasing them by talking about them loudly in public and calling them “ho’s or bitches or sluts” say something. If you hear them telling a disgusting joke that pokes fun at sexual assault SAY SOMETHING! This is not the time to be quiet. Lots of men are now saying that they knew Weinstein was doing this but they didn’t think he was actually “assaulting women.” Really? You think he’s so super hot that women are just throwing themselves at his feet?  Even the men who knew, kept quiet because they didn’t want to ruffle his feathers or stop their own cash flow by pissing him off; so if you felt the effects of his bullying what do you think was happening to them?

This behavior has to stop! No ifs, ands or buts. No one should have to live with this and if these women in Hollywood felt powerless, how about the women out there who are lower on the economic chain? Their livelihoods are literally at the end of some man’s dick. How dehumanizing and horrible and what an abuse of power and many don’t have the education, status, money or alternate career options as some women do. No one should have to put up with that. EVER! This shit happens in every industry, and trust me when I say that Weinstein is just the tip of the iceberg!

I’m not going to be nice about this or placate your feelings in any way. I’ll leave you all to deal with that because “you are big boys” so act like it. Power through abuse is not the way to go in any situation. That should be your new mantra.

Hope this was helpful and insightful.  If you have any further questions don’t hesitate to ask me or any female representative in your life. And good luck!