As I watched the news today and saw footage of the elder President Bush shaking hands and greeting visitors who came to give their respects to his beloved wife of 75 years and it broke my heart. I know he must be feeling lost without her. Sadly, I don’t think he’ll last long without his Barbie. Couples this loving and close usually die within months of each other, real love is hard to live without. These two were always so sweet together, spoke well of each other, and expressed in physically playful ways their deep love and admiration of each other.

75 years is an impressive amount of time to do anything, especially marriage, but what I truly appreciate about them is that it appears they had a genuine love story. Many people are able to stay married for years but it isn’t love that keeps them together. Often it’s religious and societal expectations coupled with a sense of obligation, but NOT love.

                                                          Time does not = quality

It dawned on me recently that all of the serious relationships I’ve had, some with some pretty fucked up men in my life, all came from homes where the parents NEVER divorced. They just developed a deep level of hate and resentment and made love to that all their lives. Most of the men I’ve been involved with were also incredibly afraid of commitment, which early on seemed off but honestly I don’t blame them.

I’ll say this so clearly so people in the cheap seats can hear me. When you stay with someone just out of obligation and for the sake of the kids, but you don’t really like, respect or love your spouse, your kids know! Being in a shitty marriage doesn’t spare them harm nor will it win you any awards. It can actually create people who are terrified of commitment because they feel that their marriage will also have to last forever, and if you end up with someone awful that can be a prison sentence.  What if you choose wrong? Being in a bad relationship is unnecessary. Why do we still hold this up as the only way to go about marriage?

Personally, I’d like to see people make this commitment when they marry: “I vow to do my best to bring out the best in you, love and support you.  And always be willing to look inside myself for how I can be better; and I will take part and be active in maintaining our relationship with care, love and respect; so long as we aren’t emotionally, spiritually or physically abusive to each other.”  That’s so much better than “till death do us part” Jesus so serious! Nobody who gets all dressed up and spends that much money on a wedding wants to hear about death.

Marriage licenses should be like driver’s licenses, issued for a specific time period and renewable. And all couples applying for a marriage license should have to have a prenuptial agreement, even if they don’t have money or kids, they should discuss how they would handle both at the moment they like each other best.

Forever is a nice goal but sometimes shit just doesn’t work out. Everyone should be able to find happiness even if it doesn’t involve the person you married. It just takes us being willing to acknowledge our humanity and not consider ourselves or our families broken if it doesn’t work out.